At times, I've wondered what God's purpose was for my life. That doesn't include the mother portion. I've just always had the feeling that there was something more that he wanted me to do. I've prayed about it. I've ignored the yearning. I've tried a few different things and not had much success. But lately, God has really been pushing me in a few new directions. It's helping me to start figuring out who I am in Him.
So what's he showing me?? I really feel that I'm meant to be a prayer warrior. I'm not to where he wants me to be yet. That's because I've been pushing back on Him. I mean, seriously, me, a pray warrior. But lately, he's been putting some people on my heart and I feel so compelled to pray for them throughout the day. It's what I would call a "burden" type feeling. So why do I keep resisting? I'm full of all kinds of stubbornness! And no, I'm not joking on that one. Do you know what it takes to be a prayer warrior. I know, I'm a Christian and I pray. But this requires a LOT more of me than what I've previously put in. And that leads into the next part of where he is moving me.
I've always felt a burden for single parents. I was a single mom for 5 years before I was blessed to find my partner. Without my daughter, I would not have found Christ. And without the prayer and love of Sarah's grandmother, I would not have had the courage to find a church and move forward when God gave me an ultimatum. To be honest, finding a church was so intimidating. On top of that, I still can't find some books in the Bible without the little tabs I put on mine! It was so hard. But thanks to the Orphans and Widow's ministry that is starting at our church, single parents will now have a ministry that focus's on them. And guess who will be leading the bible study... Yup, it's me.
And if that's not enough, he's been pushing this desire for a women's group that caters to wifes trying to work through ways to grow in Christ, love and serve their husbands more and to become better mothers. That group needs a leader and God is throwing that down on my heart as well.
Folks, be careful when you ask God to clarify. When He decides the time is right, you may get more than you ever imagined. Now frankly, a lot of this scares me. Mentally I'm in a state of rebellion against God. Seriously God, me?? He says yes and right now I'm coming to grips.
When I first joined a bible study at my old church, the leader Greg always would pray about teaching the class. Then he would remind everyone that God holds teachers of the word even more accountable than others. That is a daunting reminder. I just hope and pray that I can develop fully in these area's that God has pointed out to me.
What can you do? As I move forward, please pray for me. As I stated a little earlier, I'm a bit stubborn! And a bit nervous. But it's time for me to set aside asking God if He's sure and start moving forward into this new adventure. It's part of his plan for me. It's part of who I am meant to be.
Bleak But Beautiful by The Pioneer Woman
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