Feeling Blue

It's been a long week. I mentioned in the last post that I had to put my 13+ year old dog to sleep on Tuesday. It's hit me harder than I thought it would. Cheech, my dog, was one of the most ornery, annoying, lovable dogs that a girl could have. He came to me as a gift on my 16th birthday from my first real boyfriend. That was 1 year after my grandfather passed away.

It's funny how time flies past. And then again there are times that it seems to crawl. This week has crawled on. I shouldn't complain too much. Our family has much to celebrate. Daniel's 87 year old grandmother had a benign tumor removed on Sunday. Jean was doing so well that they sent her home on Wednesday. But, with all the good news, I'm still sad.

Cheech's passing has been the icing on the cake of losses that I've experienced in the past 2 1/2 years. My brother was the victim of a hit and run 1 week before Daniel and I were married. He passed three days after we were married. My sister (who was only a year older than me) unexpectedly passed last August. Then earlier this year, my grandmother passed. She was a surprise because, I guess it seemed as if she would always be there. Then on Tuesday, I had to make the hard decision to let Cheech go. It's bringing it all back to the surface with a vengeance.

So, here I sit typing. I'm really hoping that this will bring about some type of catharsis so that I can move forward. Ashton's birthday is tomorrow and I just started baking the cakes. I'm trying to get motivated to get the potato salad going. Time doesn't stand still when we are feeling blue. And right now I'm ready to get past grieving and on to living. But then again, the tears keep catching me at the most random moments. My heart is a bit raw at the moment.

God never gives us more than we can bear and he does not say that there will be no seasons of grief. But, he does promise to walk by us through all the valleys and all the darkness. And that is a truth I can lean on.