The Facade of a Super Mom

I've joked before about having super mom abilities.  In reality, I rarely feel as though I am a super mom.  Lately I've been wearing that facade and to be honest, it weighs more that I can carry at times.  These past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. First with all the things that my mother-in-law has gone through and then this past week with Daniel being in the hospital.  On top of that, a lot of things did not go well with Sarah's visit to Virginia and my heart was breaking for her.  The overwhelming degrees of emotions have swamped me lately and I find myself not leaning on God, but leaning on my own strength to barrel through the day.  I remember a time before I was married when I would get regular quiet time.  Sarah would be at with her grandparents or spending a night with her Dad and I would have time to sit back quietly and breath.  During that quiet time, God would speak to me and my energy would be restored.  When Sarah would lay down at night, I would have time alone to recharge and do a bible study before I went to sleep.  Now it seems as though I run through the morning and night, never getting time to sit back and listen.  On the rare occasions that I get some time alone, it feels more like recovery than a rest.  

I say this now because I got another reference to being a super mom and at times it feels like an uncomfortable title.  I'm a "have it together" kind of person.  But lately I feel like I'm working so hard at it and not getting far.  Let me tell you why.  I have not spent time in my bible regularly for weeks.  Yes, I admit it.  Not proudly, but with regret. I'm so tired and it's because my diet stinks!  On top of that, my normal multiple time a day, spontaneous and planned prayers with God have really slacked off.  Granted I constantly ask him for peace and control when I'm about to strangle someone. He's been faithful so far in answering those immediately!

Maybe you are wondering why I write this.  I do it because I see so many women running around like me. It's hard to be real when you are trying to keep it all together. And for me, I don't like pretending.  Right now I'm going to get back on the wagon and make God my priority. Once I restore my time with Him, the days will get easier. I'm just glad that I sat down and realized it now before life started throwing any other curve balls!

On Vacation

This week I have read two books. I have had about a couple of hours of quiet time.  Ian has slept through the night twice. I was able to take my oldest on her first roller coaster ride. And tonight as Ashton, Brenna and Ian sleep and Sarah and Daniel are at the pool, I'm finally started to get into that relaxed zone. It's nice and I pray that it continues throughout our trip.  At some point I should have some cute pictures to post and we have a new camera so there should be a few good ones.  Granted I can not promise that the kids will be looking at the camera or smiling at the same time. I still have not figured out how to get all the kids to look in one direction and smile at the same time.  If that ever happens, I'll wear a supermom shirt for a day!  Now I'm back to vegging out on the couch. Or, I may go hop in the hot tub...

Hurry Up and Wait

Some days never seem to end. My MIL went under the knife and had some tumors removed.  What can I say about it?  I'm so grateful that there are doctors and medicines that help her stay alive.  But it's hard. I don't know how she does it. If it's this hard watching her go through it, if it's this hard watching my family grieve this disease... Well, each day is one step in front of the other.  How much more can ones heart stand? I don't know.  I held Sarah the other day as she realized the gravity of her grandmother's illness.  I held Daniel as it hit him that this vicious beast may win the battle for his mother's life sooner than we expect.  And the kicker is that we can't do anything in our power to stop it from happening. I hear Blessings by Laura Story over and over in my head.  What if your blessings come through rain drops, what if your healing comes through tears..."  What if... I'm telling you, one of the hardest lessons to teach your kids is that life is not fair.  And when you are an adult, you know that it's not fair but it's still hard to live through the unfairness of it all.

Off to Surgery

At 2 p.m. my MIL will be going into surgery.  Her doctor was optimistic about the success of the surgery and her chances for recovery. I have to tell you that your prayers are making a difference.  Even with a blocked intestine, Nancy has started looking a lot better.  We still covet your prayers as this road is still a long one filled with many bumps and a lot of emotions.

And Down I Go

I have to admit, I've only been to the gym once this week. With my MIL being in the hospital and having to prep for vacation (which we will hopefully still be able to go on), it's been a crazy week.  Not to mention when you go on vacation, you really need to have 7 outfits for the kids and some were missing shirts, other shorts and a pair of shoes or two!  Shopping had to be done. Ughh!

On a good note, I'm down to 174.8  Yup! I hope to hit 170 by the end of July!  My father-in-law  recommended I start taking green coffee bean extract.  I've not been on it long enough to give a real testimony, but I will say I think it may be having some effect.  I ate out a few times this week and have only had one day of exercise and still lost weight.  I should not have hit 174 until Friday based on how the weight was coming off.  Tomorrow I should have a good idea of if that was a fluke.  I ate Bojangles for lunch and a huge plate of fajita meat and veggies plus chips and salsa for dinner.  And lest I not be honest, I had some candy during the play! I'll keep taking the extract and let you know how it goes.  Right now I'm taking 400mg 3 times a day. I try to take it before meals but with 4 kids that does not always happen.

If I lose a few more pounds, I will move out of the obese category and into the overweight standings! Woohoo!  That is good news for my health.  On a not so good note, I saw me in a picture tonight and realized how much more work I need to do!  My arms need some serious work and my abdomen is in serious need of debulking! But it will happen.  If I keep to my plan and working out, I will have lost at least 30 pounds by the end of the year!  I can hardly imagine what I will look like.  I do look forward to getting skinny fingers again! I did not have my wedding rings resized when I gained weight because I felt it was giving in and saying I would never get that fit again.  I'm happy to say that I will be getting down to that right size and I will fit into my rings soon!

Lazy Parenting

Lazy parents.  It seems to be an epidemic in America these days.  It hit me again this week while standing in line to order lunch for the kids and I. We walked in and found a line that reached to the door.  Ashton and Brenna had to make a detour to the potty.  I decided to send them with Sarah so I could wait in line and order (we had little time to spare because I had to drop the kids off after lunch and take Ian to an appointment).

I had Ian in my arms and had made it halfway through the line when Brenna and Ashton came running over to me.  Brenna let out a shrill scream (which drives me nuts) and Ashton was bouncing around as if imitating Tigger.  I quickly corrected both of them and sent them with Sarah to get a table.  That is when an older lady behind me thanked me for  being a good mom!  That's right, I was thanked for doing what a mom needs to do. She was even more impressed that Brenna and Ashton settled down and did what I asked after the first admonishment.  And it's not the first time that it's happened!  What gets me is that most folks expect children to behave poorly these days and most parents believe that they do not have the power to change it.

My heart breaks for this generation.  Raising children requires work and consistency.  It's a labor of love and vital to bring up well rounded people.  As Christians, we are told to train our children it the way they should go.  I've received training for many different positions in work and as a child.  That training did not end once I was hired.  It continued throughout my career.  Why is it that parents think that training a child is any different?

I've been toying with the idea of doing a few parenting posts. I don't know how often I'll get them on here but I strongly believe that many parents have to change the way they are doing things. I am not the best mother in the world. But, I can honestly say to you that I'm pretty good at my job. My children are generally well behaved, good kids who are a pleasure to be around and I know that I can leave them anywhere without worrying about them. 

Now for a disclaimer.  Good parents do have challenging kids.  I've been in the middle of the store with a 3 year old in the middle of a meltdown.  I've   politely asked folks to back off while my child was crying from a timeout. I've been hit, scratched, smacked and spit on. It happens to most parents at some point!  No matter how good of a parent you are, each child is unique and some are strong willed through and through! Additionally, good parents have kids who make poor choices or turn out bad.  We are training our children in the ways that they should go but can not make every choice for them.  What matters is that we run our race in parenting. In this day and age we must do everything we can to raise our children properly. It just saddens me that people see that as an anomaly and not a normal practice.

The Clock Ticks

My mother-in-law (MIL) is spending her second night in the hospital. We did not receive any more answers today and that feels even worse than knowing something.  That in itself is the kicker.  We all know something is coming.  We know that we every day with have with my MIL is a blessing.  We know that ball can drop at any moment and are standing in fearful anticipation of the answers that may come.   Tomorrow.