Have a New Kid by Friday Update

I haven't had much time to commit to reading this book. But, Daniel and I have put into practice a few of the principals that we have read through. Sarah is fighting all of this and some days it's exhausting. She loses privileges whenever she gets disrespectful with Daniel and I. She doesn't get second chances, but we do warn her when we see that she's starting to get the point where disrespect normally occurs. Sometimes this helps her change course.

One point in the book that's been interesting to try is ignoring her outbursts after she's been given an instruction. Since we got the first part down pat, Daniel and I have added this in. This Sunday, we got a full dose of how it works. Sarah has a bad habit of complaining that she doesn't want anything we have for breakfast. It's to the point that nothing will satisfy her unless she gets to go out and each (which we only do at a maximum of once a week). She makes a big production with all the huffs and moans about not liking cereal, pancakes, toast, you name it, etc.

Sunday, I told her to grab some breakfast bread and a yogurt for breakfast. She did the "that's not good enough" routine. I told her to grab a granola bar instead. We were going to be late for church. That wasn't good enough either. Instead of engaging in an argument, we told her to eat what we offered or go hungry. She started working on another production about how we needed to listen to her and do what she wanted. I looked at her and calmly stated that she was not getting breakfast and that we were headed for church. Well, suddenly the stuff we told her to get seemed appealing. She grabbed the bread bag and I told her not to eat any of it. Then the talk back began and Daniel and I ignored all of it. This only seemed to enrage her.

Sarah followed us around as we were getting the last bit of stuff ready for church making a production of how she was going to eat the bread. I told her that if she didn't listen the punishment would move to lunch and then moved on to my next task. By the time we walked out of the door, we had not argued with Sarah once. She was extremely upset with us because we were ignoring her outbursts and determined that she was not going to talk with us anymore.

Later, when things calmed down, we told Sarah that we were not going to engage in arguments with her. She either ate breakfast without complaining or she would miss that meal. We also told her that we would not argue with her about something she was told to do. As of today, I have not received one complaint about a meal since Sunday. It was a hard lesson for her, but one that will help her to appreciate all of that she has been given.

Now, for those of you who read this and think that their is no way your kid would do that, I encourage you to look at your daily lives and see just where your child seems to control things. Do they throw tantrums at the store when they don't get their way? Do they not come home when you call them repeatedly? Do they give you an attitude or disrespectful looks when you ask them to do something around the house? Do they complain about things never being good enough? All of these seemingly little things are acts of rebellion against your parental authority. Not acknowledging them tends to lead toward larger acts of disobedience. In addition to letting them slide constantly, you are letting your child sin with your knowledge. As Christian parents, we are obligated to discipline our children when they step outside God's will. This not only builds respect for the parent, it helps to build your child's character. More importantly, it models the relationship that we adults have with God.

As for Sarah, Daniel and I couldn't be blessed with a kinder, smarter, more loving daughter. Daniel and I watch her with her little brother and see the wonderful bond they already have. She loves the outdoors and exploring nature. She cares deeply for her family and really does want to please. We can see what a great leader she will be one day. But, she is a strong willed child and does have her moments!

I hope that sharing our experiences with our kids will encourage you!

Monday - Have a new Kid by Friday

Last night I took some time out to read the first chapter in the book. It reminded me that I really do know how this parenting thing works and now that Sarah is older, I've been giving her more leeway. He told a story in there about a small kid who wouldn't go with her mom because she was throwing a tantrum. Lemans advice was to walk away. I laughed, because I had quite a few of those moments with Sarah.

One time, we were at Short Pump mall and she didn't want to walk with me. I told her to have a good day then and started to walk away. Before I could get 3 steps away, she was at my side walking with me. I said what my intentions were and expected Sarah to follow me. Now that she grown more intelligent, I tend to reason and cajole. It doesn't work and teaches her to argue with me.

So, step one has already begun. I ask once and expect it to be completed. If she doesn't do it, she misses out on something she wants to do. Last night, she lost homework time. She had to get up early this morning and complete it before school. I don't expect to have a battle over that again tonight!

We are also working on respect. Sarah likes to talk back and roll her eyes and tell me how mean I am. That's not acceptable and will also cause her to lose privileges. This next week is going to be a challenge, so pray for me! I'll let you know how it goes.

The Power of a Positive Mom

I've been trying to read through this book for over a year, but have yet to finish. I tend to read 4-5 books at one time. Sometimes the books grab me and I devour them and sometimes, I get stuck on a book like this for a long time. I read a chapter and then come back and reread it. Sometimes I get sidetracked. And, just recently, I found it again after our last move. Now that I'm back to it, I'm totally engrossed (once more).

So, what did I learn from Chapter One?

• Carol Ladd wrote, "Motherhood transforms naive, inexperienced young ladies into wise, accomplished women who command respect." Before Sarah was born, I did not know what career I wanted. I started working at Capital One to earn more money. Not once did I ever have a deep passion for selling credit cards. There was a part of me that knew a perfect job existed, but I never could figure out what that was. Once Sarah was born, I just knew that I was meant to be a mom. It's hard to explain but I firmly believed that that was the job for me.
• My worth - Even on days where the whole family is sick and I still have to get up and cook dinner, I wouldn't trade my job for the world. According to the book, if I received a monetary pay check, I would be getting over $500,000 a year. While I wouldn't mind getting paid that, I can't say that I'd go back to my working mom life. It's such an amazing gift to be able to stay at home and care for my children. I love having the time to volunteer at Sarah's school and care for the kids when they are sick. It's hard work sometimes, but I'm grateful that I can show them my love through serving their needs.
• Deuteronomy 6:4-7 - Hear, O Israel: The Lord your God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.------- I've always heart the love the Lord your God portion but never the rest of it. Each day, I need model and instruct my kids in loving the Lord and obeying his commands.
• "Exciting things in life" - Being a mom is not always glamorous In fact, it rarely is. I miss the intellectual interactions that I had at work. I miss being responsible for multi-million dollar projects and troubleshooting design issues. I miss trying to figure out how to mail impossible packages and I miss going to college. But, I would miss making Sarah's day by having lunch at her school or going on a field trip or caring for her and Ashton when they were sick a whole lot more. My time will come again to go to school and work. Right now, I've got the most important job in the world. I pray I can remember to cherish it even on the toughest days.
• Who is paying me in the end? God. He's storing up my treasure in heaven. I hope when that time comes, he'll say "Well done" My purpose is to raise my children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. God has placed precious children in my care and it's my job to mold them into loving caring adults. My witness with affect them for the rest of their lives.
• Be Humble - I need to remember that I can not always be there for my kids. Only God can. There will be many times as they grow that I will have to step back and let God lead them or let my husband or another person walk with them through certain situations. In doing so, I will allow my children to grow into the people God has meant for them to be.