Monday, July 13, 2009

Why I'm Okay

Daniel left for Romania yesterday. I'm 36 weeks into pregnancy and the hubby is now in another country. A lot of folks keep looking at us like we are crazy. They are really worried about me being so far along with Daniel so far away.

But this is why I'm okay with it all...

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Philippians 4:4-8

I wont lie and say that there have not been times when I've doubted this trip. Are there things to be concerned about? Heck yeah! But I can't focus on those things. When I married Daniel, I knew up front that he had a call to missions work. As of last summer, we were both planning on going to Romania with the kids this year. But little Brenna changed that. What she did not change was the call that God has placed on Daniel's heart for the people of Romania.

So where did all that leave me? I purposed to support Daniel in this trip. Even when things started going wrong or finances didn't seem to be lining up, I purposed to trust what God was telling Daniel and not let my own doubts get in the way. (Especially since I was not always hearing what Daniel heard.) That was not always easy and I was not always great at it, but I knew it was the right thing to do. And to be honest, Philippians 4:4-8 kept me focused during the hard times.

Is it easy having my husband gone while I'm this far along? Heck no. But I am okay. I know that what he is doing is right. And, I'm doing what God has called me to do. I'm being my husbands help mate and supporter. I was a single mom for 5 years before Daniel and I married. I worked full time, managed a house, yard, finances, etc. God prepared me for times when Daniel has to be away. In addition to that, I have his wonderful family to help me if I need anything. And, my church family has offered to help with anything while he is gone. I have no worries about the baby. God's got that under control.

Right now, the only time worry starts to seep in is when I'm over tired or when people keep asking the "what if" questions. I choose to focus on "What is", not "What if". Today is all that I can deal with. I can't deal with what might happen. Thankfully I have a flexible spirit and a God that is much bigger than I am. Because of that, I'm sure I can handle whatever does really happen.

So am I okay? Yes. Do I miss my husband? Yes. Right now I choose to focus on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy". These are the things that sustain me and these are the things that make it okay for Daniel to be on the other side of the world. They also allow me to be the wife that I want to be to my husband and the mother that I want to be for my children. It's not always easy and I'm not as good as I want to be, but I'm confident that I will get there! And it's why I'm okay!

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