I think I've mentioned that I've had a hard time doing my devotions. To be honest, I think I was subconsciously avoiding them. Every day I would think to myself, "Deb, you need to do this now." And everyday I would walk by my bible and feel a bit guilty while heading off to another task. This morning I had a little enlightenment. I realized that I was angry with God. For the past two years, Daniel and I have been going through some crazy things. And all that time, I've been praying and moving forward. God has answered many prayers but has left other's unanswered. I don't know when I started feeling this general anger towards Him or even if I could outline one thing that I'm mad at Him about. It was just there, festering like an open wound.
This morning, I set down with my bible and a cup of green tea. I had a heart to heart with God and asked forgiveness for my actions. Not being in tune with God hurts not only me but God, my family and friends. While I had an active prayer life, that too was diminished by my stance against God. I sat down and read in my bible outside of church. It's been a while since I've done that alone. I found a verse for Sarah to memorized and I prayed. I prayed for my family and friends and for God to continue knocking down the wall that I put between us.
Today, I encourage you to look at your relationship with God. Are you intentionally avoiding Him? If so, it's time to explore why you're doing it and make amends. I can tell you from experience that He is quick to forgive.