Sunday, January 29, 2006
I'm Getting Married!!!
Well, If you didn't catch it when you read the title of this post, I'm getting married! Daniel got down on one knee Friday night and popped the question. Oh my gosh, I'm so happy. Friday night was a joyous time. We called our loved ones and shared in our good news and then went to see our pastor and his wife for a short time.My mind is still not able to wrap itself around all that's gone on this weekend. Over the next 5 months, my life will change dramatically. Heck, it's already been undergoing some serious changes! By last night, I was worn out. I needed to curl up in a ball and veg out without interruptions. But, Sarah came home and so did our new dog Duncan. Both were a whirlwind of activity.More later...
posted by Debra at 7:44 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
I can feel it coming on. Deep inside, I feel the rage and annoyance mounting. There is no good reason. There doesn't ever have to be a reason. It just sits there beneath the surface, looking for a way out. The cage is constantly rattled. Every potential weakness is explored. My energy is spent fighting back the emotions that I know are irrational.Yes friends, I feel a good old case of PMS coming on. Some months it's barely noticeable and some months, I can feel the hormones testing there limits. Some days it's a challenge to be a woman! I hope it wains off in a few days instead of visiting for the week!
posted by Debra at 6:37 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
And Two Will Become One
Daniel and I have decided that we will get married this year. We've been discussing if for a while, but it's become official. I can't wait to be his wife! He's everything I could ever want in a man and alot of things that I never knew I needed. I'm not sure when the engagement is coming. I hope it's soon. Then we can set a date and start building our lives together. Sarah doesn't officially know yet. However, I'm certain she's figured it out. The little rat is pretty darn perceptive! I walked outside to check on the grill and she went to Daniel and asked him if I would get his last name when we married. Then she went on to ask if she would have to obey him. I don't think it will suprise her at all!
posted by Debra at 7:58 AM 0 comments
This Saturday, Daniel and I talked about my past and some other things that we needed to go over. It was very emotional for me. The whole time, I kept praying for God to give me strength. I needed to tell him all the stuff in order to let go of the fear that's been living deep within. I was so afraid that once he saw into my past, he would change his mind. But the opposite has happened. He loves me even more. And for the first time, I'm really able to hold on to that.Now, I feel vulnerable to him. It's unsettling. He's seen deeper within me that I ever really let anyone. I'm happy, but it takes some getting used to!I strongly encourage all of you to go out and face your worst fears. God will stand with you. A life lived in fear is no life at all.
posted by Debra at 7:50 AM 0 comments
Monday, January 23, 2006
The Joy of Growing Up
By Friday, I was ready to leave work and forget it for a while. I needed to veg out so bad! However, I couldn't. A friend of mine was throwing a birthday party for her daughter and Sarah and I were invited. We had to run to the store and grab a present and some dinner before picking Lauren up.When I arrived, Lauren was in a mood. She was doing the whining "I don't want to go" act. I don't do whining children well. Her grandmother wanted to brush her hair and Lauren kept walking away. Then her grandmother gave up and handed me the brush and asked me to brush her hair at the party. I couldn't do it. I went over to Lauren and told her that she was told to get her hair brushed. She whined and started to walk away. I grabbed her and pulled her close to me and started brushing her hair. She started pulling and doing the mad scream whine combo. I told her that she needed to listen to her grandma when she told her something. Well, her grandma took pity on her and said. Oh Lauren, do you want me to brush your hair? Then Lauren went to her and had her hair brushed.In case you're wondering, no, I don't have patience for kids acting like brats. And that's what it was. Lauren was manipulating her grandparents by whining and being obstinate. It's an age old phenomenon that children instinctively pick up on. Unchecked, it will lead to even worse rebellion when they hit an older age. Lauren is a good kid and I'm confident that Marci will figure out what works best to pull her out of it. I feel for her, because it's exhausting. When you think you have the behavior modified, they start acting up again until one day they move on from that phase. Sarah and I battled with it frequently last year and I can see Marci going through it this year.I was dead tired after the party. Sarah and I headed home to bed. I called Daniel and chatted with him for a while. We made plans to get together Saturday. My, my, my, I didn't expect Friday to be so exhausting!
posted by Debra at 7:48 AM 0 comments
Thursday, January 19, 2006
There have been parts of this week that I would have been happy to pass up on. Then there are others that I will hold on to for years to come. Daniel and I spoke of engagment last night. We've talked about marriage and related stuff quite a bit over the last six months. I've always been cautiously optimistic about the topic. I like to be in control of my emotions. But lately, I've been extremely excited about our relationship. In fact, I'm giddy with happiness. Even during the rough times in my day, I can think about Daniel and a smile will come to my face. He occupies my thoughts more often than he should, but I can't seem to stop it. Simply loving him brings me great joy.Why do I bring this up? Well, marrying Daniel has been on my mind quite a bit. I've prayed about our relationship a lot and I know that God is blessing us. I can't wait to see where the next few months and years lead us.
posted by Debra at 6:15 PM 0 comments
Wierd Cat Names
Sarah comes up with the craziest names sometimes. Our kittens full name is now Noah Donkey B. Balloona Deedle.Yes, I have a cat named Donkey!
posted by Debra at 7:21 AM 0 comments
Strength Through Christ
It's amazing what a relationship with Christ can do for you. I was reading my bible study verse today. It's 1 Corinthians 10:13. The verse deals with tempation and God's grace in always giving us a way out. Before coming to Christ, I really did not believe this verse. I had no hope and that was evident in the choices I made. Day by day, those choices ripped out pieces of my soul. My confidence and self-image were so low.It's astonishing to look back and see how broken I was then and compare it to the woman I am today. God has worked diligently to heal my brokenness and rebuild my image in Him. Not only has he rebuilt this image, but my relationship with Him has strengthened me. I now clearly see God giving me a way out of the temptations that are present in my life. Some temptations and desires are so strong, that it takes all my will to turn away from them. I can clearly see that the timing is wrong on some of my desires and if I wait patiently, I will be able to experience them in God's time. I'm able to turn away from others almost completely (like stress eating).I enjoy seeing how far I've come with Christ. The growth encourages me to to keep on moving forward.
posted by Debra at 7:03 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
When I look in the mirror each morning, I do not see a fearful woman staring back at me. I see confidence, strength and determination. I see a strong willed lady who is willing to battle the world each day and try to smile through most of it. That persona has carried me through most of my 26 years here. Lately, I've been seeing a side of me that has remained hidden. Or maybe, it's always been near the surface and I've just ignored it. It's probably a little of both. I never knew just how much of a role that fear (yes, I said FEAR) played in my life.Up until two and a half years ago, my life was steeped in sin. I did not know the Lord and my life was a living testimony to that. I had a child out of wedlock and many other relationships that followed the same sinful patterns. One day, the Lord stepped back from me and told me that since I kept ignoring him, that he was going to leave me on my own. From that moment on, the emptiness that filled a good portion of me, threatened to consume me.It's funny what God does to wake us up. I wont pretend that I came around real easy. It took me over a year to find a church. It took me a year to lift up a pleading prayer to God. That prayer was to find a church. I thought that he had given up on me, but as I was driving to work, I looked over and saw my church home for the first time. Every day for 2 years, I had driven by the building and never noticed it. I tried it out the next Sunday and have been there for three years.It wasn't easy changing my life. When I started going to Grace, I had made the decision to give up all my unhealthy friends. Since I only had a few friends, that pretty much took out the whole gambit of them. The dating relationship that I was in had fallen apart and I had just started healing up from a bad car accident. I was ready for a new start. However, things are not always that easy when you are working to change your life. I had many struggles that I've never shared with anyone. Many that I'm ashamed of. On the other hand, I had a defining moment with Christ. I stood up for my new found beliefs and came out on top. I came out with a strong desire to leave my old lifestyle behind and live for him. That's when I fully accepted Him to be my Lord and savior.Technically, God has cleared my slate. He remembers my sins no more. He's erased them and provided me with a fresh start. What an amazing God we have! But for me, I guess I haven't really let them go. I'm living in fear of telling Daniel about my past. I have a hard time believing that this wonderful man will love me after finding out about my sins. I know that he is a great man, but I live in fear of him rejecting me based on my past. He's told me many times that he loves me and that regardless of my past, he plans on marrying me. I know that every word comes from his heart. I just pray that we will forgive me and love me in spite of it all.So, where does that leave me? Annoyed. I'm tired of living in fear regarding this. I don't like to let things like that have power over me. It does not allow me to fully experience the love that this man offers and it shows that I've not given this up to God. God does not want me to live in fear. This fear that I live with shows that I am not relying on Him. That's got to change. Coming to Christ was an all or nothing thing for me. Relying on God is the basis for it all.Today, I've decided to give this up to God. I'm going to tell Daniel anything he wants to know. If he forgives me for it, then I will be insanely happy. The good Lord knows that I want to marry that man. If not, then I will have to pick up the pieces of my heart and go on. Either way, I will not live in fear of the outcome. God is in control and His will is perfect.
posted by Debra at 10:18 PM 0 comments
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sunday was an interesting day. Sarah and I were baptized. We let the church know what has been in our hearts for some time. I know that some people look forward to their baptism once they accept the Lord. I'm not one of them.When I was 5 or 6, both my older sisters were baptized. I didn't really understand all of it, but the production around it gave me the impression that it was a big joke. When the time came, my sisters had to say something that they would never do again. Both said something ridiculous like "I'm not going to lie again." I sat in my seat thinking "What a joke!" (Yes, I started out being cynical at an early age!) I knew that that wasn't going to happen, but I figured that they were happy so I'd just go with it.The next Sunday, my father and the new pastor sat down with me after church to talk about me getting baptized. My impression of baptism was not the best, so I was not really a receptive audience when the pastor started the conversation. The pastor and I chatted a few minutes and then he asked me if I wanted to be baptized. I told him that I did not. He then said "Well, you wont be able to talk with God if you don't get baptized. " I looked up at him and said, "That's fine, I just wont talk with him." We left that church a short time later. I did not step into another one for many, many years.I tell you this to give you an idea of why the idea of baptism did not excite me. So why did I do it? As an act of obedience. God had placed it on my heart for over a year and I did not go through with it because of the story above. I kept putting it off until one day it dawned on me that I punished my daughter for disobedience and yet I sat here and rejected the desires of my Fathers heart. The Lord wanted me to grow past my misgivings on baptism and follow through with His will. I had to take that step. It just so happens that Sarah was ready to take that step as well.We had our loved ones there with us. My father, Sarah's grandparents, my best friend and her girl, Daniel (of course), and Sarah's school principal all showed up. I was so proud of Sarah. The pastor surprised us by asking Sarah why she was getting baptized. I didn't prepare her to speak in front of the church but my little ham was prepared. She thought about his question and then said "Because I accepted Jesus into my heart." What an angel! She has accepted Christ into her heart. I can't wait to see where the Lord takes this precious child.So, Sunday was a joyful day. I went in front of the church to honor my heavenly Father. He has blessed me so richly with forgiveness and grace that I do not deserve. He has accepted me into his family with loving arms and provided for all of my needs. He is faithful and if it takes stepping outside of my comfort zone to honor him, I will. I only pray that as I go forward, I will step out immediately and not let my "think through everything" personality hold me back.
posted by Debra at 11:32 PM 1 comments
Friday, January 13, 2006
Happy New Year! Last year, my life took quite a few unexpected turns. I purchased a house and then proceeded to three of the bedrooms. In addition to that, I repainted every room and carpeted most of it. Tearing down wall became a favorite past time of mine for a while! I sort of miss it.My daughter started kindergarten. She's such a good child and I'm blessed to have her! It's amazing how a little person can remind you so much of yourself, but then again be completely different than you. I'm so blessed to be able to watch her grow.And, an amazing person has decided to become part of our lives. Daniel is a special ed teacher at a local high school. He loves the Lord and has a heart for helping others. He also has a place in his heart for Sarah and I. We've been dating for six months and I never cease to be pleased with what I see in Him. His wisdom, love and friendship have blessed my life. I look forward to seeing where God leads us this year.That moves us on to this year. Sarah and I are being baptized this Sunday. It's a big deal for the both of us. But, more on that later...
posted by Debra at 6:59 AM 0 comments
I'm a single mother to a lovely little girl. A few years ago, I commited my life to the Lord and each day I hope to walk closer to Him. Some days it's easy, but others are a challenge. Either way, I keep moving forward one day at a time...